Musings of an insomniac.

So here I am at 00:40 a.m writting this on my phone.                                                                               Anyways the reason i'm writting this ? well today, i read this list over things that girls should know about guys (http://felixker.com/love-relationship/99-facts-about-guys-that-girls-should-know/), and there were a whole bunch of comments, and all thee guys seemed to sweet, and were agreeing with it. Reading the comments i coulden't help but think ''Why cant I find a guy like this ?'' I mean it's no secret that my 'love life' is nonexistent. I mean, are guys only that sweet on the internet, or have I just been extremely unlucky in meeting guys ?                                      
on another note  :  i feel like i'm the only one currently  not in a relashionship.....i mean, i try to convince myself i don't care. But i do, not because i want to be in a relashionship. But after getting mentally abused my dad as a child, i need constant confirmation that I'm good enough....so  when i can't get a guy/girl i begin to question myself ' am i good enough' ' am i doing enough to get into a good college' ' am i being supportive enough of everyone around me'. then being the people pleaser I am doesn't help. I honestly don't understand why everyone wants me to be a politician when i'm such a pushover....i think journalism would be so much better for me. Partly because i want to write more than talk and personally because, when i write, i feel free. I don't have to see peoples reaction to what i'm writing, i don't have to worry aboout people agreeing or disagreeing. I just write.